Repentance

“Yangzom, Didn’t you finish now?”

“Yes Sir, All the work is almost finished” She replied respectfully.

The owner, Rinzin lak, started inspecting all the room carefully and said with grinning face,

“Yangzom, Come with me”

She then followed him into the another room, while Rinzin opened the old cupboard and took out some worn old children clothes and said,

“If these clothes will fit to your son, then you can take them, Also there is some left over food in the kitchen and you can take it too.”

She bow down in front of him and said respectfully,

“Thank you, Thank you Sir.”

Yangzom then left the house with those old clothes and left over food. When she was on the way, quite close to her old and small house, she heard a boy crying,

” Ama….. Ama…”

Being a mother, she certainly recognized the voice of her son and ran off to him,

“My son, don’t cry, don’t cry now”

“What happened to you Tashi?”

“Mother, All the students of my class are teasing me that I don’t have father”.

He replied with grim face.

“Mom,  where has my father gone actually?”

Yangzom was striken by thundering emotions and tears filled her beautiful eyes, but being in front of her son, she shown him fake smile and said:

“Your father has gone to far off place for working and will be back very soon”.

“I will call him, ok ” she added.

“Mom, when you call my father, please asks him to bring me a bicycle”.

“Of course, my son, I will surely ask him to get a nice bicycle for you”.

She kissed on his forehead and despite being beaten by intolerable emotion she succeeded to bring smile on Tashi’s face which cured her sadness for a while.

After a month..

Tashi’s school fee has not been deposited from last three months, one day Yangzom received the notice from the Principal office. Yangzom was once again drowned in the problems as there was no way  in front of her, through which could at least hope to submit half the fee, though the amount was not too much. After thinking for a while, she finally decided to go to the Principal’s office and thought to beg his good being to extend few more days as she is indeed in the sea of sorrow where she could not even take breath for herself.

“knock…. knock”

“Excuse me Sir, May I come in?” Yangzom approached the Principal’s office.

“Come in Please,” “Have a seat” He added.

She explained all her problems to Principal for around ten minutes, but he will be also in a problem if he does not collect the fee of all students within the prescribed date, so he was silently playing the computer in the corner.

Yangzom requested with pleading face;

“Please Sir, I will surely submit it within few days”

“Only few days Sir,” she added.

“What? Again few more days?”

Principal turned to her and said; “I have been hearing your few days since last three months, If you really can not submit your child’s fee, then I think you should better take away your son with you”

She suddenly kneeled down to him and request;

“Please Sir, I will promise you, I can not leave my son uneducated, he has a huge responsibility”.

She repeatedly requested.

“Ok , if you have a problem indeed, I can extend one more week,”

“But remember, you are given only one week, if you fail to submit after one week then your son will be in the street,”  He stressfully added.

“Thank you, Thank you Sir,”

Respect and gratitude shown by a beautiful lady with truth in her eyes, without disguised appearance, was the thought provoking for him, but he did not say anything and she left the office silently with much grief in her heart.

When Yangzom reached home, started thinking about the problem and calmly shedding tears in the corner of her house. For her only way left to overcome this problem was to approach her owner, Rinzin lak, as he usually talked about her son’s education.

She then rushed out like an arrow to Rinzin lak. when she reached there, she was astonishing to notice that huge crowd was gathered near by her owner’s house and there were few police men too, inspecting the area. Yangzom’s heart certainly started throbbing and she rushed into the crowd.

“What is going on?” She asked,

“Last night few robbers entered the house and murdered all the members”. One man replied with no hesitation and fear.

That heart breaking news was beyond her toleration as she suddenly fell down and lost her consciousness and few men took her to the town hospital.

After half an hour, Yangzom found herself on the bed and she was surprised when she recognized the hospital bed.

“Doctor…Doctor..” she shouted,

“What happened?” old doctor came to her.

“Doctor, what happened to me?” she asked with innocent face.

“You fainted and lost your consciousness”.

“Some men have brought your here” He added.

Yangzom found herself once again drowned in the deepest trench of problem while she gradually remembered the murder of her owner as she now stood in the cross roads to find a way to solve the problem of  her son’s fee.

Suddenly she woke up from the hospital bed and rushed out without concerning anybody near by.

“Hello…. Hello young lady…” Old doctor called after her.

“What about my medical fee?

He shouted as loud as he could, but in the case of Yanzom, she has no ears for him rather she only thought about her son and his education.

“My son……. My son..” ” My son will study, I will not let him stay at home, I will pay his fee” She was murmuring within while she was on the way to her house.

“This woman must be mad” “Really, she looks like” the people on the streets were talking about her when they found her murmuring lonely to herself.

Yangzom reached home after few minutes,

“Mother, where have you been?” her son asked.

“Did anything happen to you, My son? She asked him back,

‘Mother, I feel very hungry. I have not eaten any thing since from last night”. He replied with pleading face.

While she noticed the face of her son, her heart was shaken by bloody storm and desired to cry but, she immersed her emotions and checked the falling tears from her beautiful eyes.

Since then, there were drastic changes in Yanzom’s life under that intolerable predicament.

She reluctantly started selling her gifted body for the cost of her child’s education. In the beginning she was desired by many people as she was the most beautiful and virginal prostitute of the locality. Most of the people of Rabtenling were well aware with her shameful job but she didn’t bother about these people except her son, who now was studying in higher secondary school in town, Tashi was completely blind about his mother’s job nor did he have the time to think and be concerned about his mother as he was studying in the far off school.

Moreover, unlike other students, Tashi was striving day and night to achieve his goal that his mother always reminded him. Finally after two years, he was selected for medical college with handsome amount of scholarship from the government. Yangzom, his mother, was sweating all day and night under her fate despite climbing her age on the life pyramid.

After ten years,

Tashi stood first in the medical college and was able to succeed his aim of becoming doctor. He was then a doctor of town hospital with monthly salary of 25,000/. His mother was no more able to exist in her job as she then was in her sixties.

One day miraculous news was shared to her by one of the old lady of her age,

“Yanzom, Aren’t you going to meet your son?”

“What! My son! Where is he? I have been waiting for this news since from last ten years” she replied with much excitement and tears in her eyes.

“He is now doctor in our town hospital and I met him yesterday” Old lady replied and left away.

Yangzom soon rushed off from her house and bought a bag of sweets to celebrate, but unfortunately

no one in the locality accepted her sweets and shared her enjoyment as we do not take anything from the hand of prostitute. Yangzom silently turned back to her house and started waiting for the next morning.

On the day tomorrow..

Yangzom woke up early in the morning with much excitement in heart she dressed her old

Chupa (Tibetan women dress) and stepped out to town hospital.

A nurse came into Tashi’s office and respectfully

“Excuse me, May I come in?”

“Come in please, what is matter?” He asked.

“Sir, your mother has come to meet you” She replied and turned back.

“Whose mother?” Tashi suddenly turned red and came out from the office.

“My son Tashi, Congratulation”. Yangzom said with eyes full tears.

“Tashi, I had strong faith in you and today you have fulfilled the dream of mine”

she added and got close to him. In fact, she really has sacrificed a lot and even she sold her body for the cost of his studies, but today when she sees him as a doctor, she, without trifle regret in heart, filled with emotion and trying to hug him.

“Get lost!” I do not have mother, I do not have prostitute mother like you”

He refused with stirring face.

“My son listen to me, Let me explain” she tried to explain but…

“Who the hell are you should I listen to?”

He pushed off Yangzom and added

“Please get lost now, do not let me kick you out if you do not listen again”

The moment was, for Yangzom, beyond toleration and was no less than the pain of stirring rusted iron knife into her heart, but being a mother, how could she be a problem or distress for her own child? So she silently left the hospital with bloody storm in heart and tears from weak eyes.

After few days..

A lady from Rabtenling came to Tashi and asked,

“Was Yangzom your mother?”

“No, who told you this?” he asked back in dominating way

“She committed suicide in the Rabtenling dam and left this letter in your address.”

She kept that letter on his table and left away.

Tashi slowly opened it and reluctantly went through it,

My dear son Tashi lak,

Your father was killed by Red Communist when he was caught in 1989. I sent you to school because I wish you to stand on the stage where you could follow the trail that your father had gone through. With this expectation and dream, I worked as a servant and when I faced the problem to pay the school fee from that job, I was forced by circumstances to sell my body and become prostitute because I had no other way to give you education in order to fulfill your father’s dream. Now you are in the good society. I do not feel any regret about my life nor did I take your words seriously, I am really sorry if I had ever failed to do my responsibility of mother and given you any trouble or distress. But my son what ever has happened in my life was my fate and yours too. I will pray for your bright future and wish you have a very prosperous life ahead. Tashi lak, Please do not ever forget that you were made orphan by red Communist. Your father name was Tenzin Tashi lak, his soul will be satisfied if you could do well though I have failed. 

These lines are my final advice or expectation from you.

Take care, Be good my son,

Your loving mother

Yangzom

After Tashi read that letter, His body started shivering and he seemed to loose his consciousness as he could not even stand well and suddenly the letter was blown off from his hand and floating in air like his mother’s soul, without any holder nor self conscious. Tashi then slowly went to Rabtenling Dam, where his mother committed suicide, and made this wish in melodious voice,

“Love that you have showered on me

While I was needing them to bloom,

Could I ask pardon here by

For the deeds of mine

That I have done for you. 

You were gift in my life

With so much of I have received

And never had I got to seek for,

Being of richest among the rich,

That of love you have showered.”

With this confession he turned back and he was then left alone in the world as an orphan forever though he has enough money

..Dorjee Gyaltsen